dirtdevil | noctium inbox

[ tea whomst. erwin shifts where he stands, thoughtful about it a moment before setting his tea aside and pulling levi in against him and holding him close. one arm around his waist, the other cradling his face.

it's intimate!!

he smiles. ]

You don't need to worry about that.

You mean they don't have to worry about it.

[ you know. the hypothetical person Erwin could have hypothetically been with instead of him. that he would hypothetically murder. them.

he still has his tea, not having expected this, but it's fine. he'll just chug it if he has to. so what if it's hot? he's the strongest person in the world. probably not this world, but it still counts.

he wouldn't even mind that it's a waste of tea. ]

Sure. They don't have to worry about it either.

[ he presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, but he seems thoughtful as he holds him close.

but then he just presses a kiss to the side of his neck with a low hum, considering. ]

I probably should have let you finish your tea first.

[ huh. that's new.

he tenses a little without really meaning to, and he immediately hates himself for it. he's always completely comfortable with Erwin, and it's not like it was at all unpleasant, but... well.

he has some shit to sort through. ]

So inconsiderate.

[ —but he tries to play it off, even though he knows he doesn't need to. it's a bad habit. ]

[ the thing is, erwin immediately notices how levi tenses so he changes directions: he kisses his jaw once, then the corner of his mouth. they're light, barely there.

he's not treating him with kid gloves, but he's steering himself away from making levi uncomfortable (or upset with himself for getting uncomfortable). ]

Aren't I always?

[ he tucks in against his hair and inhales, then mutters into it: ]

You smell good.

[ that's probably kind of weird, but whatever. ]

[ of course he smells good. he smells like... soap. always. and then maybe a little like whatever Erwin smells like at the time. he's nothing if not predictable. ]

I do?

[ he doesn't seem weirded out by it. it's almost like Erwin could say basically any possible combination of words and he'd be like wow, that's such a smart and cool thing to say, you are a genius.

actually, now that he mentions it... ]

...You do, too.

[ and if that's weird, then maybe they're both just weird. ]

Mmhm.

[ he smiles against his hair before pulling back just enough to be able to look at him. there's an indescribable fondness in his gaze as he touches his face, like he's using the moment to memorize every inch. ]

Sometimes I felt like the smell of blood overwhelmed anything else I could do.

[ he means metaphorically. he sighs. ]

Sometimes I still do.

[ he rests his chin on levi's head lightly, eyes closing. ]

So I'm glad.

[ he's just gonna casually take a moment to set his own tea aside as well. there are more important things going on. things he should probably have both hands for.

he shakes his head, just a little so Erwin doesn't have to move his. ]

You think I'd let you walk around smelling like blood?

[ it's a smartass statement, but not a smartass tone. it almost sounds... affectionate. wow. ]

[ this is nice. he likes this. it's comforting as well, just being in each other's presence. he can't get enough of it.

it's a bit like syncing without even trying, isn't it? they're just so compatible. ]

That's true. You wouldn't.

[ there's a smile in his tone. he kisses the top of levi's head. ]

There's nothing to be done for it, you have to keep me in line.

You sure it's not the other way around?

[ or maybe it's both? it doesn't seem like Erwin needs anyone for that, but he knows better. most people only know Erwin the commander, but this is Erwin the man. most people don't know the latter even exists.

he does, though.

even standing on his toes, the best he can do is kiss Erwin's jaw. it's the only time he ever really resents being so small. ]

I'll see what I can do.

It can be both.

[ levi knows erwin the man better than anyone else alive, and it's going to stay that way. even in his recent venture onto the network, no one knows the vulnerable answers came from him. he keeps that close to his heart, the knowledge that only levi knows this softness.

it's good this way.

the kiss makes him smile and he tips down to steal a kiss from his mouth. if levi can't reach, erwin will bend to meet him halfway. ]

I have faith in your abilities.

[ it's true. even if he paid attention to the network, like, ever, he wouldn't have answered the post. the hell if he knows what the proper way to show devotion is. he only knows how he does it, and that's nobody's business but theirs.

so there.

he's starting to worry a little about Erwin's back, having to stoop down so low all the time. stuff like this is so much harder standing up. they came in here to have tea, but that plan seems to have been abandoned already. should he even bother stepping back to drink his at this point? this is so much better.

when Erwin does lean down he reaches up to hold his face, but not for too long. he's just too goddamn short. fuck. ]

I know you do.

[ if only one of his abilities was to become normal-sized. ]

[ levi already shows his devotion enough for erwin; it's just that erwin feels like his own is never enough. he's so devoted that there's no easy way to show it.

but he'll keep doing what he's doing.

changing his body just to hold him is a big one, and no one had even suggested that.

he smiles when levi holds his face, leaning into it. he doesn't mind leaning down, though he does sense levi's frustration with it so he just smiles. ]

Let's sit again.

[ with a gesture toward the living room. ]

[ oh thank god. he was hoping Erwin would say that. he would have suggested it himself, but Erwin just made them tea (that they barely drank) so he'd feel like an ungrateful dick.

the couch works much better for him.

he still feels kind of bad when he sits back down. he hates wasting anything, even now that it's not a big deal anymore. but, as ever, if Erwin's okay with it, then so is he. it's a pretty simple philosophy, if nothing else.

as soon as Erwin joins him on the couch again, he reaches for his face again and picks up right where they left off, with more success now that he can easily reach him. but he's a little self-conscious about how quickly they came back here; he usually isn't concerned with the possibility of coming off rude, but that doesn't apply to Erwin. he looks a bit sheepish when he pulls back. ]

...Sorry.

[ he's pretty sure Erwin won't care, but he's just going to apologize anyway. he wasted tea. what a monster. ]

[ leaving the tea is an issue, isn't it?

erwin is thinking about that as they sit, as levi continues where they left off. he especially thinks about it when levi apologizes--he shakes his head, pressing a kiss to his mouth, and lets his hand cradle the side of his neck. the new one.

he doesn't say anything for a moment, considering. ]

No. Don't be sorry.

[ another moment, and then: ]

You know, I've seen people drink their tea cold with ice. About half the people at the café I was going to take you to were doing that.

[ another kiss, short but firm. ]

So we can drink it later.

[ of course erwin people-watched to see the customs that might be confusing or alien to them. but that does make this a little easier: sure, levi felt bad about leaving tea, but so did he. nothing goes to waste in their house. ]

[ tea... with ice? iced tea?? holy shit. that's madness. but he seems to consider it anyway, mostly because Erwin suggested it—though if it really is that popular at the cafe, maybe they are onto something there?

he'll have to get used to the notion of drinking tea that's cold on purpose, but at least for now, it soothes his weird anxiety about leaving theirs behind. they can just drink it later.

absolutely mind-boggling. he smiles a little anyway. ]

Okay. I think I can live with that.

[ now he can do whatever he wants and still have a clear conscience. crisis averted. Erwin is so smart. ]

[ it is weird to think of drinking tea cold on purpose, but so many people seem to like it and it keeps the waste down, so... sure. he's willing to try it, and thankfully levi is too so he doesn't have to worry overmuch about it any more.

crisis averted indeed.

levi's smile makes erwin's smile widen, like it's just an involuntary (but welcomed) response to seeing it. it makes him happy and at ease, to be frank. ]

Good.

[ he kisses him again, hand cupping his face. he's really getting a lot of use out of this hand. ]

[ admittedly, he is also enjoying Erwin having an extra hand. or... you know. the normal amount of hands. he's still in disbelief that he seems to have been Erwin's primary reason for seeking it out. he would have been more than happy with one-handed Erwin—unconditional love means it doesn't matter how many hands they have, of course—but he'd be lying if he said it wasn't kind of awesome to feel both of Erwin's hands, regardless of where they are.

fortunately, he also has two hands. they're kind of tiny, but he'd still like to afford Erwin the same privilege. if you can call it that, anyway; he still doesn't really know what he's doing, but he sure is trying. for now, he rests them on Erwin's sides.

baby steps? baby steps. ]

[ erwin's statement about why he did it is true, though: the frustration of not being able to touch levi with both hands grew to be too much after a while. he'd become functional in other ways, the daily things he needed to do, but touching levi with two hands? impossible.

until now.

it doesn't matter that levi doesn't know what he's doing. erwin hasn't been in a situation like this in years, and he's feeling rusty about it. so it's good to get used to it again. with levi.

the hands at his sides are welcome and he shifts a little closer, not making any moves to break the kiss. the hand not at his face is perfectly comfortable resting against the side of his neck. ]

[ he keeps at it a little longer, not particularly eager to stop, but eventually he draws back, just far enough for him to be able to look Erwin in the eyes. they're beautiful, and for a moment he almost forgets what he wanted to say.

but once he gets it back together, he lifts his hand to Erwin's arm that's resting against his neck. he's not trying to move it, or even keep it from moving. he just holds on to it.

his gaze drops briefly, not focused on anything in particular. he takes a breath, exhales it slowly. and when he looks back up at Erwin, he's still not really sure what he wants to say.

so he just opens his mouth anyway. ]

I... probably don't need to tell you this, but I've never...

[ pretty obvious where that's going. he doesn't think he even needs to finish saying it. he just moves on. ]

This kind of thing is just... it always made me remember all the horrible shit that went on around me when I was a kid. The things people would do to my mother. I never associated it with love at all. From what I'd seen, they weren't compatible. It was just one person using another person until they got what they wanted, and then they fucked off. It was only a transaction. I had no interest in it.

[ he pauses, takes another deep breath, and then keeps going. ]

...But I think part of it was that there was never anyone I even wanted.

[ he gives Erwin's arm a gentle squeeze. ]

Not until you.

[ erwin watches all of this quietly, just taking in the look of him from the way his gaze drops to the way the muscles in his neck work when he lifts his head again.

it's about what he expected and he starts to shake his head until levi continues so he just listens instead, not wanting to interrupt something that's clearly important to him to say.

his arm stays still for levi to hold onto, grounding. when he finally speaks, it's low. ]

I understand. I don't want you to do things you feel uncomfortable about, first off. If you're not happy, what's the point?

[ he drops his own face down to press a kiss to levi's jaw then, processing what he said last. when he lifts his head, his look has the same intensity it always does. ]

You know? We could never do anything but sit together and I'd be happy. I don't need anything else.

[ a brief pause, because he's not discounting what levi said, just saying his own piece. ]

I won't lie though, I want you too. But only if you want to. [ a faint smile. ] I don't foresee us jumping in headfirst anyway. Too busy appreciating the small things of this life.

[ something that sounds like a sigh of relief escapes him at the end, even though there was never any worry there—even if there was, it would be worry that he hadn't expressed himself in a way that makes any sense, not worry that Erwin would be disappointed. Erwin is too intelligent (and knows him too well) to be surprised by any of it; he has to wonder if anything he said was new information at all. but even if it wasn't, it still felt important for him to say. in a way, he was admitting all these things to himself just as much as he was admitting them to Erwin.

it's not exactly a conversation he's ever had before, after all. some of it sounded weird coming out of his own mouth. but Erwin understands, and that's the only thing he cares about in the end. ]

I don't think I could ever feel uncomfortable with you. Not really.

[ it sounds like an easy statement to make—what are the chances Erwin is into some Weird Shit, anyway?—but even if that was the case, Erwin's presence is such a calming thing that he still can't imagine ever feeling insecure.

he returns Erwin's smile. there really wasn't ever anything to worry about, was there? ]

I do.

I feel the same about you. There's nothing I don't trust you with.

[ he shifts a little where he sits, pressing a soft but earnest kiss to his mouth and then pulling back to look at him. on closer look his expression is different though; rather than intensity and quiet appreciation, there's something openly adoring there in his eyes.

it lights up his face, really.

anyway, erwin isn't into any Weird Shit, he's basically into levi and that's it. it's a singular sort of affection, one he has difficulty putting into words. imagine, erwin smith being at a loss for words. ]

I do as well. We can take things slow.

[ it would be hard for him to complain that Erwin (for once) can't find the right words for two reasons: one, neither can he, and two... well. Erwin looking at him this way says everything he wants to hear and more.

he's doubtful that he can even come close to replicating it. emoting properly has never been a talent of his, and since expressing himself in words is also not something he's ever been good at, it's hard not to feel inadequate. Erwin deserves to know exactly how he feels, too. it doesn't seem fair. so maybe it's selfish that he takes a moment to just soak it in—actually, it's less of a choice and more of an involuntary reaction to seeing the man he loves look at him like he's the most precious thing in the world. it's stunning in more ways than one, and he has no idea how to reciprocate it.

so, rather than trying (and ultimately failing, he's sure), he just draws Erwin's face down to his level and kisses him. it's not bold, but it's not reticent, either. he may not know what he's doing, but at least he knows what he wants. ]

[ that's just how it goes sometimes, if sometimes means 'only this once so far.' erwin isn't used to emoting anything but fervor for missions or excitement about new knowledge. he's good at being stoic. he's not good at being in love.

so it's alright that levi soaks it in: just that is enough to tell erwin everything he needs to know about levi's feelings for him. the acceptance of erwin's intensity is proclamation enough.

he lets levi tug him down and returns the kiss in like kind, hand resting on top of levi's on his face. the other hand (imagine, two!) settles at levi's waist, holding him close.

eventually he pulls back just enough to murmur against his mouth. ]

Never change.

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