dirtdevil | noctium inbox

[ erwin has been mulling on this for a while, since his network post really, and it's a solid, nearly fully-formed idea in his head by now.

an ideal too, to be honest. ]

We can build our own space.

[ he kisses him again, a little more intensely but not entirely overwhelming. ]

Maybe get some horses.

[ good god, he can't decide if he wants Erwin to keep talking or not. on one hand there are obviously better ways he could be using his mouth, but what he's saying is so...

well. it's pretty appealing.

for now, he makes no move to shush him. he looks Erwin in the eyes, hands coming up to rest on the sides of his neck. ]

Perfect.

[ erwin smiles, a real smile, and it's practically radiant. he's happy with the idea, and it shows.

when he leans into the touch, it's affectionate and almost needy. ]

Just us.

[ then he leans forward to kiss him. ]

[ Erwin's smile—his actual, genuine smile—is his favorite thing in the whole world, bar none. fellas is it gay if your bro's smile lights up your life brighter than the fucking sun? knowing Erwin is this happy just being with him feels far too good to be true. there has to be a catch, right?

if this is a dream, he hopes he'll never wake up. just us. there's nothing he's ever wanted more.

he doesn't even have time to smile back before Erwin kisses him again, so he just lets his arms slip back around Erwin's neck, pulling him as close as he possibly can.

that's the goal, after all. ]

[ the catch is that levi is stuck with him now for better or worse. erwin will never call it quits on him, so if levi ever does want out, he's going to have to break that bond himself.

but i don't think that'll happen.

as the kiss progresses, erwin places a hand at levi's hip to draw him in closer, almost into his lap. it's the only way he can get closer at this point. but the action, while smooth, is careful, so levi can get out if he needs to. ]

[ okay, well, the catch to the catch is that Erwin has already been stuck with him for years. he already follows Erwin everywhere—the only difference is that now he'll be expecting them to hold hands.

like. at all times. have fun with that.

for the time being, though, there's zero protest when Erwin draws him in. in fact, he breathes a happy sigh through his nose, because even if he is a bit nervous, this is exactly where he wants to be.

no escape plan needed. ]

[ there's nothing wrong with holding hands. erwin will hold his hand whenever the opportunity arises. with either hand, even. since he has two now.

two whole hands! imagine.

as things progress erwin settles levi against him, fingertips gentle at his side, idly touching bare skin under his shirt. it's affectionate, even reverent, and he draws back just enough to press a kiss just below levi's ear, testing. ]

[ two hands. turns out technology is actually pretty fucking useful. who would have thought. now they can hold both hands. wow. unironically incredible.

he's thankful for it for Erwin's own sake, of course, but he'd be lying out his ass if he said he wasn't a little glad for his own sake, too. feeling both of Erwin's hands on him is nice, to say the least. he's having a pretty easy time getting used to it; Erwin's patience and willingness to take it slow makes a huge difference, even if Erwin would have had his trust regardless. he's able to concentrate more on Erwin when he's not overwhelmed by his various past trauma, which is not something he was ever willing to even try with anyone else.

it means a lot to him. he can still hardly believe it's happening at all.

and unlike the first time, he tilts his head to the side—a gesture of both approval and trust as one of his hands slips up to affectionately tangle his fingers in Erwin's hair. ]

[ erwin is hyperfocused on making sure levi is comfortable. every move he makes is carefully planned and executed and he's happy to make sure levi feels safe while they're doing this.

he wants levi to always feel safe, and this place is likely the only place where he can facilitate that.

he presses his lips a little lower, moving slowly but surely down the line of his neck. when he's about at the halfway point between neck and throat, he murmurs. ]

Tell me if you need to stop.

[ he almost doesn't even catch what Erwin says. there are a million things going through his head right now that he's trying his best to ignore. the only thing that matters is right in front of him. he loves Erwin deeply enough that it drowns out all the noise.

when he does process it, he shakes his head, just enough to get the point across. his hold on the back of Erwin's head is gentle, but it's also firm. ]

I don't want you to stop.

[ he has absolutely no desire to deter Erwin from what he's doing. it's a feeling much stronger than all his nerves combined. ]

[ it's fine. this moment is important for so many reasons, both in steps forward and otherwise.

levi holding his head close is bolstering; his only verbal response then is a slightly muffled 'mmhm' that he lets out between kisses.

when he finally reaches his throat he presses a kiss to his adam's apple, lingering. his hand slides a little higher up under his shirt, fingers resting across his ribs. ]

I love you.

[ okay, that one was audible against his skin. ]

[ he breathes out a sigh. it sounds contented, if a bit sudden—like he hadn't intended to hold his breath in the first place. he know he's not fooling anyone, least of all Erwin, but there's a certain amount of control he's been unable to hold on to. and even if he could, by now Erwin has likely already felt his heart racing against his lips. there's no hiding something like that.

he can't mask how it makes him feel every time he hears Erwin say that, either. he tips his head down just for a moment to rest it against Erwin's, and smiles into his hair. ]

I love you.

[ his fingers slot in between his ribs easily, though they've been eating better here--he just knows where they rest, despite never having touched levi like this before they got here. It's just one of his superpowers, probably.

he can feel the smile though, and it makes him smile in turn against him. he shifts back, but it's just enough to start to carefully unbutton levi's shirt. ]

I'll never get tired of hearing it.

[ neither will he.

which is something he would just come out and say, but right now he's too preoccupied watching Erwin unbutton his shirt. this sure is happening, isn't it? he's already starting to flush. fuck. ]

Uh. [ he quietly (and not at all awkwardly) clears his throat, briefly glancing to the side. ] Are we... good here?

[ in the living room, he means. is this okay? he doesn't know anything about this shit. ]

[ the flush is charming, but he stills when levi clears his throat, action aborted mid-movement just in case he needs to stop.

when levi speaks though, he lets out a breathless almost-laugh. ]

You're right. We should go to the bedroom.

[ yes. the bedroom. definitely. that is where... stuff happens. or so he's heard.

slowly, he pushes himself up and heads into their bedroom, taking a lot more care than usual not to trip on nothing because he's feeling self-conscious about how utterly clueless he is. he does his best not to look too clueless when he sits down on the edge of the bed, but he just ends up looking slightly nervous instead.

whoops. ]

[ yeah, the nervousness strikes erwin a bit and he sits next to him gingerly, hand resting at his knee and the other lifting to draw his face in for a kiss. it's slow, and lingering, and a little exploratory. ]

I've got you.

[ a significant amount of his nerves fade back into nothing, just like that. Erwin has such a calming effect on him that he would probably find it very difficult to remain tense when they're together, even in situations much more dire than this.

it's actually kind of amazing to him.

so he returns the kiss with zero hesitation, moving his own hand to rest atop the one on his knee. it's a reminder of his trust. ]

I know you do.

Good. I always will.

[ he shifts just enough to drop his hand down to start gently pushing levi's shirt off one shoulder so that he can lean down and kiss the skin there as it's bared.

it's a little more bold than he has been, openly wanting instead of careful and measured, a little more heated.

they both want this, and if they don't start they never will. he's trusting levi to tell him to stop if he needs it, if only because he knows that levi knows that's what erwin wants. ]

[ he can sense a kind of shift in Erwin's actions—he's never done this before, but even though they've held off on this kind of intimacy until now, they've been intimate emotionally for a long time. much longer than they've been a couple, really. so feeling a change from the cautious and methodical way Erwin had been handling him to something less controlled is relatively easy for him.

it stirs something similar in him, too; something he's never felt with anyone else, and never will. something needy in the same way Erwin is behaving now. it's a little hard to focus, but eventually his fingers find Erwin's shirt as well. he fumbles a bit unbuttoning it, but when he finally finishes, he pushes it back off his shoulders, and he's suddenly struck with a deep need to be as close to him as humanly possible.

he's in no rush, but it still kinda feels like he needs skin-on-skin contact to live right now. strange. ]

[ it's a subtle shift to be sure, but naturally one that levi would notice. no one else gets to see him like this, after all.

he's emboldened by levi working at his shirt, dragging kisses along his shoulder and back toward his throat, attentive and wanting. he shifts to allow the shirt to drop off his shoulders and down his back, and levi will get to see his new arm for the first time. it looks real just like it moves real and feels real but there is a seam where it connects with the remains of his own arm. it's a neat job, clean, but it still looks like what it is: an artificial arm grafted onto a stump.

erwin doubts levi will care, but he lifts his head to kiss him firmly anyway, to distract him as he draws him up closer against his chest. ]

[ it comes at no surprise to him that Erwin doesn't want to call any attention to his arm. to be honest, Levi doesn't like to think about it too much, either—it's a terrifying reminder that he almost lost him, and that he still could.

it's not quite the mental state he wants to be in right now.

so he pushes it into the back of his head just like he's already done a thousand times since it happened, instead vowing to himself to show Erwin how much it means to him that he is still here. it might take him awhile to figure out how best to do that, but he's more than willing to learn.

he melts into the embrace when Erwin pulls him closer, arms wrapping around him tightly like he's afraid this is just a dream and he'll wake up anytime now. he still has absolutely no idea what he's doing, but Erwin is so warm. can they just stay close like this for the rest of his life? that would be amazing. ]

[ it's good to not focus on it. at least for now. they're both alive, and they could both die any day at home but they're not home right now, they're here, and the odds of one of them dying is very low.

even that isn't an appropriate line of thought for the moment they're in so let's not dwell on that.

his hand splays at the small of levi's back as he holds onto him, and he only breaks the kiss to mouth a couple of them along levi's jaw, testing as he has been. a part of him wants to slip his hand lower, to hoist levi up a little more by the ass, but that's probably not the best tactic right now so he digs the tips of his fingers into his back, not painfully but grounding. ]

( and then they fell asleep. THE END )

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