dirtdevil | noctium inbox

[ that's just how it goes sometimes, if sometimes means 'only this once so far.' erwin isn't used to emoting anything but fervor for missions or excitement about new knowledge. he's good at being stoic. he's not good at being in love.

so it's alright that levi soaks it in: just that is enough to tell erwin everything he needs to know about levi's feelings for him. the acceptance of erwin's intensity is proclamation enough.

he lets levi tug him down and returns the kiss in like kind, hand resting on top of levi's on his face. the other hand (imagine, two!) settles at levi's waist, holding him close.

eventually he pulls back just enough to murmur against his mouth. ]

Never change.

[ the good news (for some definition of 'good') is that neither of them is good at being in love. if Erwin isn't good at it, Levi doesn't catch it—he doesn't know any better, and he wouldn't care even if he did. Erwin likes to call it bias, but if he had a better opinion of himself he'd almost certainly be able to see it for what it really is.

it's something Levi won't mind reminding him for as many times as it takes for it to stick.

he lets his hand drop to the arm at his waist. once again, he has no intention of stopping anything; instead, he gives Erwin's arm another squeeze, as if trying to convey the opposite of when he froze earlier.

he smiles at Erwin's request. (or maybe it's an order?) ]

I won't if you don't.

[ that's why they fit together so well, probably. both of them are bad at it and use each other as a gauge and since they are, in fact, both utterly smitten, it works out for them because they appreciate everything about one another.

it's romantic instead of sad if you think about it that way.

the encouragement is appreciated. it's nice, and he carefully lets the pads of his fingers trespass under the hem of levi's shirt, barely skating along the bare skin of his side. he's still in the testing stages, but so far it's going well.

levi's smile makes him duck his head a little, pleased when he responds. ]

It's a deal.

[ it's not like he thinks Erwin has a lot of experience with this stuff under his belt, but surely it's still more than he has, which is literally zero. at least Erwin knows this, though; he undoubtedly would have known even if he hadn't been told. Erwin is extremely good at reading people.

also there are some things that are just really fucking obvious.

there's really no point in trying to pretend otherwise either way. it's probably still pretty clear to Erwin that he's nervous, but it's not a discomforted kind of nervous. he's a bit tense, but he's not shying away from the touch, even when it does wander into new territory. the anxiety he has about intimacy is far overshadowed by the love and trust he has for Erwin—he can only hope that much is clear.

so it's with that in mind that he leans in closer, lightly trailing kisses along Erwin's jaw and then just barely down onto his neck. Erwin's not the only one treading carefully here—maybe not for the same reason, but Erwin's comfort is just as important as his.

he's pretty sure he's not actually capable of ruining this with his inexperience, but he'd rather not even take the chance. ]

[ erwin hasn't been in a position like this in a very long time, and he certainly wasn't as emotionally invested then as he is now. here, levi feels like his world: there's no strife for them to go up against together, no looming disaster to spoil any time together.

instead it's just this: them, together, exploring one another.

when levi doesn't pull away erwin's hand slides up a little higher, but shifts to his back instead of encroaching on his side too much. his fingers splay flat and as levi's mouth moves, erwin's head tilts to accommodate it with a pleasant sigh, his eyes lidding.

it's nice.

when he finally speaks, it's quiet but confident. ]

We should move out of the city. Just us.

—Huh?

[ it catches him a bit off-guard, but it's less what Erwin says and more that his brain had already started to shut down. it was entirely on purpose in an attempt to get out of his own head—he didn't expect it to work, but he expected this even less.

he pulls back a little to look up at Erwin again. he didn't fuck this up already, did he? ]

To where?

[ by the way erwin cups levi's face with one hand and kisses him so fervently, it's unlikely that levi fucked anything up, just that erwin's brain was moving too fast for the actual moment at hand.

he speaks after a moment though, hushed. ]

I don't know. Somewhere with open space. Where we can be just us and only see other people when we decide to instead of the moment we step out the door.

[ so he wants to move out to be alone with his boyfriend. nice. ]

[ oh, okay. message received. phew. ]

Oh.

[ yeah, he might need another second to process this. his eyes widen when the idea sinks in, though. holy shit. he does not have the mental capacity to work out the logistics of this right now (or possibly at all), but that sounds... fucking amazing, actually. Erwin is an actual genius. ]

...Yeah. Let's do it.

[ erwin has been mulling on this for a while, since his network post really, and it's a solid, nearly fully-formed idea in his head by now.

an ideal too, to be honest. ]

We can build our own space.

[ he kisses him again, a little more intensely but not entirely overwhelming. ]

Maybe get some horses.

[ good god, he can't decide if he wants Erwin to keep talking or not. on one hand there are obviously better ways he could be using his mouth, but what he's saying is so...

well. it's pretty appealing.

for now, he makes no move to shush him. he looks Erwin in the eyes, hands coming up to rest on the sides of his neck. ]

Perfect.

[ erwin smiles, a real smile, and it's practically radiant. he's happy with the idea, and it shows.

when he leans into the touch, it's affectionate and almost needy. ]

Just us.

[ then he leans forward to kiss him. ]

[ Erwin's smile—his actual, genuine smile—is his favorite thing in the whole world, bar none. fellas is it gay if your bro's smile lights up your life brighter than the fucking sun? knowing Erwin is this happy just being with him feels far too good to be true. there has to be a catch, right?

if this is a dream, he hopes he'll never wake up. just us. there's nothing he's ever wanted more.

he doesn't even have time to smile back before Erwin kisses him again, so he just lets his arms slip back around Erwin's neck, pulling him as close as he possibly can.

that's the goal, after all. ]

[ the catch is that levi is stuck with him now for better or worse. erwin will never call it quits on him, so if levi ever does want out, he's going to have to break that bond himself.

but i don't think that'll happen.

as the kiss progresses, erwin places a hand at levi's hip to draw him in closer, almost into his lap. it's the only way he can get closer at this point. but the action, while smooth, is careful, so levi can get out if he needs to. ]

[ okay, well, the catch to the catch is that Erwin has already been stuck with him for years. he already follows Erwin everywhere—the only difference is that now he'll be expecting them to hold hands.

like. at all times. have fun with that.

for the time being, though, there's zero protest when Erwin draws him in. in fact, he breathes a happy sigh through his nose, because even if he is a bit nervous, this is exactly where he wants to be.

no escape plan needed. ]

[ there's nothing wrong with holding hands. erwin will hold his hand whenever the opportunity arises. with either hand, even. since he has two now.

two whole hands! imagine.

as things progress erwin settles levi against him, fingertips gentle at his side, idly touching bare skin under his shirt. it's affectionate, even reverent, and he draws back just enough to press a kiss just below levi's ear, testing. ]

[ two hands. turns out technology is actually pretty fucking useful. who would have thought. now they can hold both hands. wow. unironically incredible.

he's thankful for it for Erwin's own sake, of course, but he'd be lying out his ass if he said he wasn't a little glad for his own sake, too. feeling both of Erwin's hands on him is nice, to say the least. he's having a pretty easy time getting used to it; Erwin's patience and willingness to take it slow makes a huge difference, even if Erwin would have had his trust regardless. he's able to concentrate more on Erwin when he's not overwhelmed by his various past trauma, which is not something he was ever willing to even try with anyone else.

it means a lot to him. he can still hardly believe it's happening at all.

and unlike the first time, he tilts his head to the side—a gesture of both approval and trust as one of his hands slips up to affectionately tangle his fingers in Erwin's hair. ]

[ erwin is hyperfocused on making sure levi is comfortable. every move he makes is carefully planned and executed and he's happy to make sure levi feels safe while they're doing this.

he wants levi to always feel safe, and this place is likely the only place where he can facilitate that.

he presses his lips a little lower, moving slowly but surely down the line of his neck. when he's about at the halfway point between neck and throat, he murmurs. ]

Tell me if you need to stop.

[ he almost doesn't even catch what Erwin says. there are a million things going through his head right now that he's trying his best to ignore. the only thing that matters is right in front of him. he loves Erwin deeply enough that it drowns out all the noise.

when he does process it, he shakes his head, just enough to get the point across. his hold on the back of Erwin's head is gentle, but it's also firm. ]

I don't want you to stop.

[ he has absolutely no desire to deter Erwin from what he's doing. it's a feeling much stronger than all his nerves combined. ]

[ it's fine. this moment is important for so many reasons, both in steps forward and otherwise.

levi holding his head close is bolstering; his only verbal response then is a slightly muffled 'mmhm' that he lets out between kisses.

when he finally reaches his throat he presses a kiss to his adam's apple, lingering. his hand slides a little higher up under his shirt, fingers resting across his ribs. ]

I love you.

[ okay, that one was audible against his skin. ]

[ he breathes out a sigh. it sounds contented, if a bit sudden—like he hadn't intended to hold his breath in the first place. he know he's not fooling anyone, least of all Erwin, but there's a certain amount of control he's been unable to hold on to. and even if he could, by now Erwin has likely already felt his heart racing against his lips. there's no hiding something like that.

he can't mask how it makes him feel every time he hears Erwin say that, either. he tips his head down just for a moment to rest it against Erwin's, and smiles into his hair. ]

I love you.

[ his fingers slot in between his ribs easily, though they've been eating better here--he just knows where they rest, despite never having touched levi like this before they got here. It's just one of his superpowers, probably.

he can feel the smile though, and it makes him smile in turn against him. he shifts back, but it's just enough to start to carefully unbutton levi's shirt. ]

I'll never get tired of hearing it.

[ neither will he.

which is something he would just come out and say, but right now he's too preoccupied watching Erwin unbutton his shirt. this sure is happening, isn't it? he's already starting to flush. fuck. ]

Uh. [ he quietly (and not at all awkwardly) clears his throat, briefly glancing to the side. ] Are we... good here?

[ in the living room, he means. is this okay? he doesn't know anything about this shit. ]

[ the flush is charming, but he stills when levi clears his throat, action aborted mid-movement just in case he needs to stop.

when levi speaks though, he lets out a breathless almost-laugh. ]

You're right. We should go to the bedroom.

[ yes. the bedroom. definitely. that is where... stuff happens. or so he's heard.

slowly, he pushes himself up and heads into their bedroom, taking a lot more care than usual not to trip on nothing because he's feeling self-conscious about how utterly clueless he is. he does his best not to look too clueless when he sits down on the edge of the bed, but he just ends up looking slightly nervous instead.

whoops. ]

[ yeah, the nervousness strikes erwin a bit and he sits next to him gingerly, hand resting at his knee and the other lifting to draw his face in for a kiss. it's slow, and lingering, and a little exploratory. ]

I've got you.

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