[ it's not until right then that he realizes Erwin seems to be breathing slow and steadily like this on purpose, like he's trying to calm himself down. why, though? did something happen?
he frowns at the thought, opening his eyes again. ]
[ wasted time... if anyone wasted time, it was him. he keeps that thought in his head though, not eager to revisit the end of Erwin's life for the thousandth time. he doesn't have to do that anymore.
[ listen, it's not really that he's stupid, it's just...
well. he's a little bit stupid.
but mostly it's just a thing that is not and has never been on his radar. it doesn't even occur to him what Erwin is suggesting, not really because he's dense but because marriage is a thing for other people. he's so happy to have Erwin in the first place that the notion of marrying him simply does not cross his mind at all.
it's quite literally beyond his wildest dreams. ]
Huh?
[ peak romance. he does squeeze Erwin's hand though, because he doesn't know what's happening. at this point, it's practically automatic. ]
[ to be fair to levi, even erwin didn't think of it until they were ...well, here, together, and knew they'd already done several blood bonds. marriage always has been a thing for other people for a multitude of reasons, but now...
well, they've been given the chance.
erwin takes a deep breath and, ever for the dramatics, slides down until he's resting on one knee, holding onto Levi's hands and grinning sheepishly up at him.
did he have to do the full kneel? no. was he always going to? absolutely. ]
Levi, will you marry me?
[ logically he knows the answer is yes, but he can still hear his pulse pounding in his ears. ]
[ Levi's quick reaction time has contributed to his lofty title and also saved quite a few lives, including his own on many occasions. frankly, it's almost inhuman.
that shit is nowhere to be found right now.
several seconds go by before he appears to even comprehend what's happening. why is Erwin on the floor? why is he smiling at him like that? why is he acting like he's proposing or something?
hmm.
he breathes out suddenly once he finally realizes that's what's happening. his eyes sting and he hates it but there's nothing he can do about it. he's always prided himself on being prepared for anything, but he wasn't prepared for this in the slightest. how could he have been?
the thought of being able to call Erwin his husband alone knocks the wind out of him.
but as blindsided as he was by all this, he's always thinking of Erwin first. he seemed nervous just before this, so he's probably still feeling that way now. with that in mind, he shoves his own heavy emotional bullshit aside. the last thing he wants to come off as right now is hesitant.
there's no question, after all.
he doesn't say anything at first. instead, he slides down onto the floor, too. once they're back on the same level, he uses Erwin's grip on his hands to pull him into an embrace.
he holds onto him as tight as he can without hurting him, burying his face in Erwin's shoulder. ]
Of course I will.
[ he sounds like he might cry. he totally won't, though. nope. no way. ]
[ he's actually not entirely sure what to expect. or, well, he figured levi will say yes. that's pretty well grounded in reality. despite his nervousness, he doesn't think levi will say no.
it's just still a big step despite everything, and he just... wants to do everything right.
he always wants to do everything right.
so now levi's on the floor with him, which technically isn't how this is supposed to go, but the embrace certainly is, as is levi's answer.
erwin breathes out slow, almost shaking, and turns his head to press a kiss to levi's temple even as he draws him in a little closer as though that's even possible. ]
[ he doesn't think it's a stupid thing to say, so it's fine.
his hands clutch at the back of Erwin's shirt and he sniffs a little suspiciously. it's true that there was never a chance he'd say no; the weight of such a decision has nothing to do with how overwhelmed he feels.
it's just not something he ever would have imagined for himself. Erwin, maybe—if they managed to live through everything somehow—but him? he wouldn't have been interested. he only ever had eyes for one person, and that obviously wasn't gonna happen. right?
he sniffs again. ]
I never—
[ fuck. he doesn't even know what to do with himself. ]
[ quietly. erwin had been absolutely certain he'd never have anything like this with anyone, much less with levi, so it's surreal to him too to be able to just... ask. to ask and have an answer and have the future seem solid, palpable, winnable.
he leans into levi, tucking in against his hair, breathing slow.
[ he should really know better than to try to hide his more intense emotions from Erwin. he trusts him completely, for one thing, but they're also bonded in a way where Erwin can tell how he's feeling regardless. he doesn't mind Erwin seeing (or hearing) him like this, but it's a habit so deeply ingrained that it's hard to say if he'll ever truly break free of it.
he breathes out something that sounds kind of like a laugh, like he's crying but it's happy-crying.
(he's not crying, though.) ]
You could've—in any other life you could have so easily just found some stupidly-beautiful woman and married her and had a bunch of beautiful kids and a bunch of beautiful grandkids and live in a huge-ass farmhouse with your huge-ass family—
[ even he doesn't seem to know where he's going with this. another sniff, and he grips Erwin's shirt tighter. ]
[ it's something erwin appreciates a lot, being privy to levi's emotional changes. he's always known they were there, but the fact they're so closely connected now means he always knows how levi is feeling and can try to adjust accordingly.
he just wants levi to be happy.
when levi starts talking though, he shakes his head. ]
I don't want any of that. [ then, softer but no less heartfelt: ] I never felt this way about anyone until I felt this way about you. So no, I couldn't've. Wouldn't've, either. I think in all the different lives, it's been us. It has to have been.
[ he smiles against Erwin's shoulder. he's not sure how he expected Erwin to respond to such a stupid thing he just blurted out in a rush of emotion, but that sounds about right.
level-headed but still wholehearted. that's Erwin for you.
he finally lifts his head to look at him again, one hand moving to cradle Erwin's face. it looks like there might be tears in his eyes, but it is simply an illusion. he's not crying.
he's not. ]
The only thing I can tell you for sure is there's no world where I'm not right here.
[ he can't separate himself from his need to be by Erwin's side. it's a fundamental part of who he is—maybe the most fundamental part.
[ naturally erwin would respond in this way. there's no other way to respond. so here he is, doing what he does automatically.
he tips his head into it when levi's hand finds his face, and he smiles gently. obviously the tears are a trick of the light. they are in erwin's eyes too. ]
I wouldn't want a single world where you weren't.
[ he leans in to press a soft kiss to levi's mouth, lingering but not pressing for anything more just now. ]
So I figured while the blood bonds are a boon, we could cement it another way as well.
[ he's still not used to being this happy. he's not used to being happy at all, really—at home he experienced it in small doses when he was able to spend time alone with Erwin, and then in Trench he was happy to have him back after four years alone, but both places were so ridiculously dangerous that that happiness was always weighed down by fear that he'd lose him again. the truth is, even here, he's still a little afraid—maybe he'll always have nightmares where he's alone again.
but to be in a place like this where he's not constantly worrying about Erwin dying again, where they can live together almost like they're regular people and get married like regular people?
he didn't know it was even possible to be this happy, especially not for someone like him.
despite the very real joy he's feeling, he suddenly looks deadly serious. ]
Then let's do it.
[ like, now. literally right now. that's normal, right? ]
[ it's great to be happy, though. it's so much more plentiful than the rare, rare moments they had at home, between the dangers of trench. this place is so different; it feels like they can just exist, though they still have things they need to work through emotionally.
they probably need therapy, but what kind of therapist is going to know what the hell to tell these men?
he doesn't expect anything bad from levi's serious face because he can still sense that joy; he laughs at what the other man finally says, kissing him soundly. ]
[ his serious face looks a little less serious when he cracks a smile. he can't help it—Erwin immediately agreeing to just do it without even a second thought makes him even happier.
he also got a laugh and a kiss out of it, so that's a win, too. ]
Now that you put the idea in my head, I don't wanna waste any more time not being married to you.
[ he takes Erwin's hands again and stands, drawing Erwin up with him, and then glances back down at their hands. ]
Oh. We're supposed to have rings, huh?
[ truthfully he doesn't give a shit about that part, but if they have the luxury of a semi-normal life here they might as well do it properly, right?
plus he wants Erwin to have a ring. that part is important. ]
[ he's not sure why he'd ever been nervous about asking. of course this is the next step, and of course they're both so excited about it. of course levi's drawing him up to his feet like he can't wait to get them hitched. ]
No moment spent with you is a waste, married or not.
[ teasing, just a little. but then the topic turns to rings and he looks down at their hands as well, considering. ]
There are shops around, but do we have the patience to get them before we do this, or do we want to do this then pick rings for each other?
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good thing doesn't care. Erwin would know the truth, and that's really all he cares about. ]
Well, good. Because that's been you for a long time.
[ even after Erwin was gone.
he's well aware he doesn't need to tell him this, but he's going to do it anyway. ]
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I know. I knew all along, but somehow it didn't translate into actually thinking I was worth that devotion.
[ he considers. he doesn't need to say this out loud either, but he will anyway. ]
Even before... this, for lack of a better way to put it, I could never understand how I deserved it, but I'll try.
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[ he slides his hand back to tip Erwin's head forward and leans in to rest his own forehead against Erwin's. after a moment, he closes his eyes. ]
You know how I feel. I want you to know why.
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[ his eyes are also closed; he's breathing in and out slowly, evenly. ]
You make me see a lot of things differently, Levi.
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he frowns at the thought, opening his eyes again. ]
Hey, are you all right?
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I'm fine. I'm just keeping your opinion of me in mind when it comes to realizing I've been so slow to pick up on something so important to you.
[ a beat. ]
So, the usual.
[ wry. ]
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wait, what? ]
I dunno if I'd call it "the usual." I think you know me better than I do.
[ it just... took Erwin dying and resurrecting in another universe before he finally realized Levi was in love with him. it's fine.
he tucks himself back in against Erwin's chest. ]
Just accept that you're amazing and brilliant and beautiful already.
[ it's kind of a joke because he knows it's not that easy, but it's also a true statement. ]
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Mm. I just feel like I wasted time.
[ so they're on the same page about that part. he holds levi closer though, closing his eyes and pressing a kiss into his hair. ]
Too late for that now, best to focus on the present and future, right?
[ right. that's accepting his worth, right? ]
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plus, that's what nightmares are for.
he holds Erwin a little tighter, too. ]
Yeah. Let's just not look back.
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About looking forward.
[ he's leaning into him a little, gripping one of levi's hands. ]
We've already agreed it's forever, that much is a given. We've already made it official in many ways.
[ his fingertips brush along the base of levi's ring finger, just barely there. ]
What do you think about making it official in another way?
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well. he's a little bit stupid.
but mostly it's just a thing that is not and has never been on his radar. it doesn't even occur to him what Erwin is suggesting, not really because he's dense but because marriage is a thing for other people. he's so happy to have Erwin in the first place that the notion of marrying him simply does not cross his mind at all.
it's quite literally beyond his wildest dreams. ]
Huh?
[ peak romance. he does squeeze Erwin's hand though, because he doesn't know what's happening. at this point, it's practically automatic. ]
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well, they've been given the chance.
erwin takes a deep breath and, ever for the dramatics, slides down until he's resting on one knee, holding onto Levi's hands and grinning sheepishly up at him.
did he have to do the full kneel? no. was he always going to? absolutely. ]
Levi, will you marry me?
[ logically he knows the answer is yes, but he can still hear his pulse pounding in his ears. ]
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that shit is nowhere to be found right now.
several seconds go by before he appears to even comprehend what's happening. why is Erwin on the floor? why is he smiling at him like that? why is he acting like he's proposing or something?
hmm.
he breathes out suddenly once he finally realizes that's what's happening. his eyes sting and he hates it but there's nothing he can do about it. he's always prided himself on being prepared for anything, but he wasn't prepared for this in the slightest. how could he have been?
the thought of being able to call Erwin his husband alone knocks the wind out of him.
but as blindsided as he was by all this, he's always thinking of Erwin first. he seemed nervous just before this, so he's probably still feeling that way now. with that in mind, he shoves his own heavy emotional bullshit aside. the last thing he wants to come off as right now is hesitant.
there's no question, after all.
he doesn't say anything at first. instead, he slides down onto the floor, too. once they're back on the same level, he uses Erwin's grip on his hands to pull him into an embrace.
he holds onto him as tight as he can without hurting him, burying his face in Erwin's shoulder. ]
Of course I will.
[ he sounds like he might cry. he totally won't, though. nope. no way. ]
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it's just still a big step despite everything, and he just... wants to do everything right.
he always wants to do everything right.
so now levi's on the floor with him, which technically isn't how this is supposed to go, but the embrace certainly is, as is levi's answer.
erwin breathes out slow, almost shaking, and turns his head to press a kiss to levi's temple even as he draws him in a little closer as though that's even possible. ]
I'm so glad.
[ what a stupid thing to say. but he is. ]
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his hands clutch at the back of Erwin's shirt and he sniffs a little suspiciously. it's true that there was never a chance he'd say no; the weight of such a decision has nothing to do with how overwhelmed he feels.
it's just not something he ever would have imagined for himself. Erwin, maybe—if they managed to live through everything somehow—but him? he wouldn't have been interested. he only ever had eyes for one person, and that obviously wasn't gonna happen. right?
he sniffs again. ]
I never—
[ fuck. he doesn't even know what to do with himself. ]
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[ quietly. erwin had been absolutely certain he'd never have anything like this with anyone, much less with levi, so it's surreal to him too to be able to just... ask. to ask and have an answer and have the future seem solid, palpable, winnable.
he leans into levi, tucking in against his hair, breathing slow.
then: ]
I love you. There's no one else it could be.
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he breathes out something that sounds kind of like a laugh, like he's crying but it's happy-crying.
(he's not crying, though.) ]
You could've—in any other life you could have so easily just found some stupidly-beautiful woman and married her and had a bunch of beautiful kids and a bunch of beautiful grandkids and live in a huge-ass farmhouse with your huge-ass family—
[ even he doesn't seem to know where he's going with this. another sniff, and he grips Erwin's shirt tighter. ]
—I love you.
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he just wants levi to be happy.
when levi starts talking though, he shakes his head. ]
I don't want any of that. [ then, softer but no less heartfelt: ] I never felt this way about anyone until I felt this way about you. So no, I couldn't've. Wouldn't've, either. I think in all the different lives, it's been us. It has to have been.
[ that's how confident he is in the assessment. ]
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level-headed but still wholehearted. that's Erwin for you.
he finally lifts his head to look at him again, one hand moving to cradle Erwin's face. it looks like there might be tears in his eyes, but it is simply an illusion. he's not crying.
he's not. ]
The only thing I can tell you for sure is there's no world where I'm not right here.
[ he can't separate himself from his need to be by Erwin's side. it's a fundamental part of who he is—maybe the most fundamental part.
it's pretty simple, really. ]
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he tips his head into it when levi's hand finds his face, and he smiles gently. obviously the tears are a trick of the light. they are in erwin's eyes too. ]
I wouldn't want a single world where you weren't.
[ he leans in to press a soft kiss to levi's mouth, lingering but not pressing for anything more just now. ]
So I figured while the blood bonds are a boon, we could cement it another way as well.
[ hence asking levi to marry him. ]
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but to be in a place like this where he's not constantly worrying about Erwin dying again, where they can live together almost like they're regular people and get married like regular people?
he didn't know it was even possible to be this happy, especially not for someone like him.
despite the very real joy he's feeling, he suddenly looks deadly serious. ]
Then let's do it.
[ like, now. literally right now. that's normal, right? ]
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they probably need therapy, but what kind of therapist is going to know what the hell to tell these men?
he doesn't expect anything bad from levi's serious face because he can still sense that joy; he laughs at what the other man finally says, kissing him soundly. ]
I agree. Let's do it.
[ immediately. totally normal behavior. ]
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he also got a laugh and a kiss out of it, so that's a win, too. ]
Now that you put the idea in my head, I don't wanna waste any more time not being married to you.
[ he takes Erwin's hands again and stands, drawing Erwin up with him, and then glances back down at their hands. ]
Oh. We're supposed to have rings, huh?
[ truthfully he doesn't give a shit about that part, but if they have the luxury of a semi-normal life here they might as well do it properly, right?
plus he wants Erwin to have a ring. that part is important. ]
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No moment spent with you is a waste, married or not.
[ teasing, just a little. but then the topic turns to rings and he looks down at their hands as well, considering. ]
There are shops around, but do we have the patience to get them before we do this, or do we want to do this then pick rings for each other?
[ that erwin, always with the ideas. ]
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Yeah, yeah. You know what I meant.
[ it's true, though. every moment he has with Erwin is a gift, no matter how fucking stupid that sounds. he'll never lose sight of that.
he smiles again at Erwin's suggestion. this is why Erwin makes the plans, you see. ]
You're right. We can figure that shit out later. So then...
[ he pauses briefly, thoughtful for a moment. ]
Where should we go?
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