douche minutiae

[dirtdevil]

in progress forever because I'm a lazy fuck
✔ - [YES PLEASE] - Would like these first if possible!
✘ - [NO THANKS] - Please don't give these out yet.
● Obtained
Vandalized by Dio 11/12/13 never 4get

Significant Positive
● First time outside the walls aka Not Bad #1 (NR 4, 4-14) ● First kill (NR4, 24-42)
Neutral Positive
● Stars (NR2, 34-38) ● Female titan captured (23, 25-42)
Trivial Positive
● Arm-wrestling (NR4.5) ● Invincible (NR5, 5-8) ● Cleaning the SC base with his squad (17, 3-9)
Significant Neutral
● Senpai noticed me ● Shoujo prequel squad introducing themselves (feat. real first name!!) (NR3, 4-7) ● A messenger (NR5, 9-20) ● Meeting a certain weirdo (NR6, 27-36) ● World's Strongest ● A choice with a lot of regrets (NR7, 3-18) ● No regrets, for real this time (NR8, 28-41) ● Finding some kid who can turn into a titan and saving his ass ● Then savagely beating him in front of a full courtroom lol whoops (19, 28-60) ● Murder Them Titans aka Not Bad #2 (18, 34-40) ● Choices (25, 21-29; 26, 20-25) ● SPOONMAAAAN (25, 34-43; 26, 1-10) ● vs. female titan (30, 15-32) ● Soylent green is people (51, 20-40) ● Stupid believers (53, 32-41, 45-46) ● Fun with MPs (59, 23-36, 46) ● This is (not) the end (60, 5-20) ● Ackermans (63, 29-33) ● Welcome party (64, 3-5, 10-17, 32-35)
Neutral Neutral
● MP slugs (NR1, 19-34) ● We'll get out of this dump someday (NR2, 26-34) ● The barracks (NR3, 8-16) ● A hallway conversation that is not awkward in any way (NR5, 20-26) ● Isabel gets it (NR6, 13-19) ● Ilse's notebook (18.5, 4-18) ● Do u hate me (circle yes or no) (19, 61-63) ● The 57th expedition (21, 32-38) ● Like a damned lizard (25, 30-33) ● Spoonman pt. 2 (26, 11-19) ● Refuel order (28, 2-7) ✘ ● Road trip (37, 1-19) ● Babysitting Nick (37, 20-30) ● Squad 2.0, Nick is dead lol (51, 2-10, 23-29) ● Historia's emo backstory (51, 33-46) ● The air we breathe, it smells like shit (53, 9-22) ● The power of cosplay (54, 15-25) ● Three conditions (54, 26-35) ● Great success (61, 43-48) ● Take me to church (62, 18-26)
Neutral Trivial
● A "shitty" sense of humor ● Backhand (NR3, 23-31) ● Wait shit we're actually outside (NR4, 15-19) ● Getting schooled on the formation (NR6, 3-12) ● Erwin is smart (but I'm still totally gonna kill him) (NR6, 21-32) ● "Her." (17, 10-14) ● Sonny & Bean are dead!! (20, 30-32) ● Smoke signals (24, 12-15) ● Hot titan date (45, 12-16) ● His ass is sticking out (53, 3-8) ● Dirty hands (59, 8-19)
Significant Negative
● The wrong choice (NR7, 22-44) ● Dead people in the rain (NR8, 4-16) ● "I'm going to fucking kill you." (NR8, 17-27) ● Dead people in the forest (30, 1-3) ✘ ● The defeated (30, 36-42) ✘ ● Heeeeere's Kenny! (57, 35-46) ● "She's dead." (69)
Neutral Negative
● Titans (general memory) ● Two big dudes chasing him around underground (NR1, 35-43) ● Join the Survey Corps or I'll ram the MP up your ass (NR1, 36-56) ● A bloody outstretched hand and a dying man asking if he was "useful" ● A girl in a crystal (34, 33) ● Huge-ass trees (24, 38-43) ● Sound grenade (25, 7-20) ● Making her scream (27, 19-31) ● FT gets ate (27, 36-45) ● Childhood friend (30, 10-14) ● Playing dirty (54, 36-40; 55, 23, 28-46) ● Because I'm abnormal (56, 12-33) ● Showdown at the Old Saloon (58, 11-18) ● Anti-personnel (58, 19-24, 29-42 ● I'll break ur fukken legs m8 (72, 2-17)
Trivial Negative
● Maybe he's constipated (32, 19-33; 33, 1-2) ✘ ● Gunfire (58, 1-10)
Skills
● Basic hand-to-hand/knife combat ● Intermediate hand-to-hand/knife combat ● Advanced hand-to-hand/knife combat ● Horseback riding ● Shitty flintlock guns ● Smiling ✘ ● 3DMG for dummies (basic usage, balance, titan combat/avoidance) ● 3DMG for training grads (not bad, but probably still gonna get eaten) ● 3DMG for Survey Corps survivors (pretty legit) ● 3DMG for, uh, Levi (last name ever first name greatest) ✘

Comments

world's strongest

[dirtdevil]

you're riding down a city street on horseback. it's a leisurely pace, but it's clear you're still in a formation—two-by-two in a long line. crowds are gathered by the road, talking amongst themselves; some cheer, some look considerably less impressed. you don't give a rat's ass either way.

suddenly, a louder voice catches your ear—your name? probably, but it's in one ear and out the other, and you forget it again immediately. you try to ignore it, but the enthusiastic yelling goes on.

"that's humanity's strongest soldier!" he cries, and you want to tape his mouth shut. he's pointing straight at you. "I heard he's worth a hundred men!"

the attention feels unpleasant, despite the high praise. you side-eye the crowd disdainfully and mutter something about how you wish they'd shut the fuck up. you hear the soldier to your right say that your fans would be disappointed to learn that you're an obsessive neat freak, and you scoff.

people, man.

Important: "Strongest" in this sense is implying "best at killing titans." It doesn't mean he can lift a semi. He is unusually strong because spoilers, but not that strong.

So what?
+ 10% luck
+ 20% skill
+ 15% concentrated power of will
+ 5% pleasure
+ 50% pain
+ 100% reason to remember the name