[ the entire concept of intoxication is foreign to him, as a person who is inexplicably unable to get drunk and has never had any interest in (or money for) anything else that might have altered his consciousness in some way. even so, he can still say in full confidence that none of that could possibly be better than this.
he tilts his head to the side when he feels Erwin's mouth on his neck, a quiet sigh escaping his lips as he closes his eyes. if he didn't trust Erwin so completely, he'd be freezing up about now; there's a certain kind of lasting trauma that comes from being born and raised in a brothel which was itself in a slum, to a mother who worked there to provide for both of you and was rewarded with a sickness given to her by a client that eventually killed her. most of it manifests as compulsive cleaning, but it's no coincidence that he's never sought out anything like this, either. it was a number of years before he even came to realize it's not typically just a transaction, and even then he never found himself interested in anyone in that way. in truth, he didn't expect that he'd ever trust anyone the immense amount it would take to move past those painful memories, let alone love them enough to want to try.
then he met Erwin. then he tried to kill Erwin, and then he tried to kill him again. then he decided to trust Erwin, realized far too late that he was in love with him, and then Erwin died. the end?
nope.
he breathes an I love you in response in between kissing him and kissing him again, lifting a hand to touch the top button of Erwin's shirt. for a moment he just kind of hovers there, almost like he's not sure if he's really allowed to do this, but then he finally brings himself to unbutton one, bringing his other hand up to speed up the process in hopes the trembling will be a little less obvious. ]
[ having the period at the end of the sentence that was erwin's original life not be the end is still something astounding. mind-blowing. maybe, eventually, they'll get used to it. for now, erwin is still in the state of knowing how lucky he is and feeling every second of it fresh like a new sunrise.
this, too, is new and fresh and exciting and a sunrise above all else.
the sigh is encouragement just as much as the way the younger man tilts his head is. it lets erwin know he can continue, so he does. the hand at levi's hip stays where it is but he shifts how he rests to free the prosthetic hand for use: by the time levi is working at erwin's button's, erwin's hit the collar of levi's shirt with the trail of his mouth and nosed under the fabric to continue, but to do any more he has to also undo some buttons.
(also new and amazing is being able to use two hands for things. he's really, really into that even if it's a different experience than it would be with two intact human arms. he's still grateful.)
he notes levi's trembling but doesn't comment on it. nor does he do something like cover levi's hands to stop it and take over the act of unbuttoning on his own. he's not going to infantilize or baby levi, because that isn't what levi wants. letting levi take charge of how he handles this means letting him take the initiatives he wants and letting him stop himself if he needs to.
erwin can step in, sure. will, if he has to. but he trusts levi, as he always has.
he undoes one, two buttons of levi's shirt, pressing a kiss to the hollow of his throat and letting it linger. when he exhales it's a little shaky, but not in a bad way. the best possible way, actually, if one must be feeling a little overwhelmed, is to feel a little overwhelmed by how much you love someone. ]
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he tilts his head to the side when he feels Erwin's mouth on his neck, a quiet sigh escaping his lips as he closes his eyes. if he didn't trust Erwin so completely, he'd be freezing up about now; there's a certain kind of lasting trauma that comes from being born and raised in a brothel which was itself in a slum, to a mother who worked there to provide for both of you and was rewarded with a sickness given to her by a client that eventually killed her. most of it manifests as compulsive cleaning, but it's no coincidence that he's never sought out anything like this, either. it was a number of years before he even came to realize it's not typically just a transaction, and even then he never found himself interested in anyone in that way. in truth, he didn't expect that he'd ever trust anyone the immense amount it would take to move past those painful memories, let alone love them enough to want to try.
then he met Erwin. then he tried to kill Erwin, and then he tried to kill him again. then he decided to trust Erwin, realized far too late that he was in love with him, and then Erwin died. the end?
nope.
he breathes an I love you in response in between kissing him and kissing him again, lifting a hand to touch the top button of Erwin's shirt. for a moment he just kind of hovers there, almost like he's not sure if he's really allowed to do this, but then he finally brings himself to unbutton one, bringing his other hand up to speed up the process in hopes the trembling will be a little less obvious. ]
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this, too, is new and fresh and exciting and a sunrise above all else.
the sigh is encouragement just as much as the way the younger man tilts his head is. it lets erwin know he can continue, so he does. the hand at levi's hip stays where it is but he shifts how he rests to free the prosthetic hand for use: by the time levi is working at erwin's button's, erwin's hit the collar of levi's shirt with the trail of his mouth and nosed under the fabric to continue, but to do any more he has to also undo some buttons.
(also new and amazing is being able to use two hands for things. he's really, really into that even if it's a different experience than it would be with two intact human arms. he's still grateful.)
he notes levi's trembling but doesn't comment on it. nor does he do something like cover levi's hands to stop it and take over the act of unbuttoning on his own. he's not going to infantilize or baby levi, because that isn't what levi wants. letting levi take charge of how he handles this means letting him take the initiatives he wants and letting him stop himself if he needs to.
erwin can step in, sure. will, if he has to. but he trusts levi, as he always has.
he undoes one, two buttons of levi's shirt, pressing a kiss to the hollow of his throat and letting it linger. when he exhales it's a little shaky, but not in a bad way. the best possible way, actually, if one must be feeling a little overwhelmed, is to feel a little overwhelmed by how much you love someone. ]
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