[ he clicks his tongue in pretend-disappointment, which incidentally is the only kind of disappointment he's capable of feeling in Erwin. ]
What a shame.
[ he says this, but meanwhile he's briefly disentangling himself on his left and Erwin's right so he can take Erwin's brand new hand and thread their fingers together. ]
[ then levi is moving around and threading their fingers and he huffs out a breathless sound, squeezing levi's hand and just looking down at them with fascination. a little like he can't believe his eyes. ]
It's definitely something, I agree. Something I very much enjoy.
[ he smiles one of his smiles only Erwin ever gets to see, and gives his hand a squeeze in return. ]
Me too.
[ then he pulls their hands over to his mouth and presses a grateful kiss to the tops of Erwin's new fingers. if only good things happened to this guy more often. ]
[ his smile softens a little, as if he could get any softer. he just feels a little like he's melting in the happiness department, and he wiggles his fingers in wonder just after levi kisses them. ]
I never thought I'd be able to do something so simple. [ a breath. ] I probably just keep repeating myself, but I don't know if I've been this astounded since we told each other how we feel.
[ nothing will ever be able to warm his heart like Erwin's smile. it's almost like nothing else even matters compared to this. he's happy for Erwin for having his arm back, but he's even happier for the fact that it makes Erwin happy.
it's impossible not to smile back at him. ]
Honestly, that might have been a little more astounding for me. No offense, but I've already seen someone regrow their arm.
[ in fact, he'd have already seen Erwin regrow his if he'd... well.
[ yeah, that's really fucking romantic, actually. it definitely still counts. he leans in a little more to the resting against each other, voice low when he murmurs. ]
Every moment I think about how lucky I am to have you.
[ look, he's just being honest. even the most ineloquent person in the whole world is bound to say something romantic at some point if they're as as hopelessly in love as he is.
he breathes a contented sigh. ]
Then I guess it's a good thing you'll always have me.
[ it means so much to hear that, even though it was never Erwin's decision to leave him in the first place—that choice was his own, and if he had to do it all over he'd make the same one again.
good thing he'll never have to do it all again.
...right? ]
You'd better not, if you know what's good for you.
[ as if it was Erwin's fault; fortunately Erwin knows he's full of shit. he kisses Erwin's cheek and then somewhat reluctantly pushes himself upright to look out the window— ]
[ teasing, just a little. but levi's reaction to sitting up is, well, to say the least, quite strange, and erwin pushes himself up on his elbows to look over the edge of the bed and—
—he drops right back down onto his back, too startled to say much for a moment. and when he opens his mouth, well: ]
Oh.
[ call the media, erwin smith is speechless. or maybe don't, because there's a weird husk of him just laying there. ]
[ he stays quiet; he probably wouldn't admit to being traumatized, but it wouldn't be far off. he sees this unmoving Erwin on the floor and all he can think of is seeing that on the rooftop, on the bed he left him in, on the same bed a year later when there was nothing left but bone.
fuck.
eventually he shakes his head, rubbing at his face as if it would make those images disappear. ]
—Sorry. I—
[ they're never going to disappear, though, are they? ]
[ soft. he frees his hand, the left one with the rough and jagged palm, and uses it to cradle levi's face, to look at him properly, to draw him in for a slow kiss. the other hand still holds onto levi's. ]
I'm here.
[ that's all, at first. but that's what it's about, isn't it?
his death. his corpse. he knows. of course he knows. ]
[ Erwin's touch finally snaps him out of it. it's warm and his face fits perfectly in Erwin's hand—and then there's the scar.
the one he gave him. his chest hurts every time he feels it.
he lifts his own hand to cover Erwin's, turning it just a little so he can press a kiss to the scar on his palm. it's never going to feel like enough. ]
I know. I'm sorry. Once we know what we're supposed to do with it I can take care of it.
[ erwin's chest doesn't hurt when he sees the scar, because he sees what it represents: the turning point that brought them to where they are today. The turning point where levi decided to follow him, to become the most important person in erwin's life, his grounding force and tether.
it's a good scar. means a lot of things.
he does still brush his fingers along levi's cheek when he kisses erwin's palm, eyes lidding a little as he looks at him. ]
It's alright. We can figure it out together. I don't mind helping deal with it.
[ it's not that those things are irrelevant or untrue, but it's impossible for him to reconcile no matter what. at the end of the day, he hurt Erwin. it may not have felt wrong at the time, but he's a different person now.
now, it breaks his heart, even if the hand healed a long time ago. ]
Only if it doesn't make you uncomfortable.
[ in the mean time, he squeezes Erwin's other hand—the new one—and he glances down at it, brows furrowed in thought. ]
[ erwin has the same thoughts about the new hand though, looking down at it when levi squeezes it. ]
I... Don't know. I'm going to have to look into it and see. If not, I'll have to see if there's a way to lengthen the timeframe. If that doesn't work either, I'll just have to make sure I make the best of the time I have with it.
[ like so: he squeezes levi's hand back, then tugs him in by it for a little kiss. ]
[ he leans in to rest against Erwin, arms curling around him again. this is, in fact, the best way to spend the time Erwin has with both arms. in his opinion, anyway. ]
I can't imagine having it back only to lose it again. I don't want to let that happen to you.
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[ he turns his head enough to kiss his temple. idle, affectionate, lingering. ]
I suppose we could come up with some things to do.
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What a shame.
[ he says this, but meanwhile he's briefly disentangling himself on his left and Erwin's right so he can take Erwin's brand new hand and thread their fingers together. ]
There. That's something.
[ it's a big deal, actually. ]
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[ then levi is moving around and threading their fingers and he huffs out a breathless sound, squeezing levi's hand and just looking down at them with fascination. a little like he can't believe his eyes. ]
It's definitely something, I agree. Something I very much enjoy.
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Me too.
[ then he pulls their hands over to his mouth and presses a grateful kiss to the tops of Erwin's new fingers. if only good things happened to this guy more often. ]
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I never thought I'd be able to do something so simple. [ a breath. ] I probably just keep repeating myself, but I don't know if I've been this astounded since we told each other how we feel.
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it's impossible not to smile back at him. ]
Honestly, that might have been a little more astounding for me. No offense, but I've already seen someone regrow their arm.
[ in fact, he'd have already seen Erwin regrow his if he'd... well.
anyway. ]
The other thing, not so much.
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[ and yeah, we're not going to focus on that other part. keep those thoughts out of your mind, levi ackerman.
he sighs but it's contented, dipping his head to kiss levi's temple. ]
I hope you're used to that part by now, though. Me loving you.
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Not at all. I still think I must be dreaming every time I wake up next to you.
[ every once in a while he'll say something romantic. usually it's by accident, but it still counts. ]
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Every moment I think about how lucky I am to have you.
[ a breath. ]
I'll never get tired of that feeling.
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he breathes a contented sigh. ]
Then I guess it's a good thing you'll always have me.
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[ mildly. adoring? definitely adoring. then his voice softens even further. ]
I'll never leave you again.
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good thing he'll never have to do it all again.
...right? ]
You'd better not, if you know what's good for you.
[ as if it was Erwin's fault; fortunately Erwin knows he's full of shit. he kisses Erwin's cheek and then somewhat reluctantly pushes himself upright to look out the window— ]
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he sucks in a breath and immediately looks away, frozen and staring horrified straight ahead at nothing.
what the fuck. ]
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[ teasing, just a little. but levi's reaction to sitting up is, well, to say the least, quite strange, and erwin pushes himself up on his elbows to look over the edge of the bed and—
—he drops right back down onto his back, too startled to say much for a moment. and when he opens his mouth, well: ]
Oh.
[ call the media, erwin smith is speechless. or maybe don't, because there's a weird husk of him just laying there. ]
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Levi doesn't think it's nasty, of course, but it's not a pleasant sight. he's still sitting there, silent and rigid, like a very rare panic response.
his hand does seek one of Erwin's, though, as if to prove to himself they're both still here. ]
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because of course he does.
he continues to stare at the ceiling a moment, then closes his eyes and sighs. it sounds exhausted. ]
I'm going to have to do research before we get rid of it. We should be sure nothing bad is going to happen if we burn it or something like that.
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[ he stays quiet; he probably wouldn't admit to being traumatized, but it wouldn't be far off. he sees this unmoving Erwin on the floor and all he can think of is seeing that on the rooftop, on the bed he left him in, on the same bed a year later when there was nothing left but bone.
fuck.
eventually he shakes his head, rubbing at his face as if it would make those images disappear. ]
—Sorry. I—
[ they're never going to disappear, though, are they? ]
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[ soft. he frees his hand, the left one with the rough and jagged palm, and uses it to cradle levi's face, to look at him properly, to draw him in for a slow kiss. the other hand still holds onto levi's. ]
I'm here.
[ that's all, at first. but that's what it's about, isn't it?
his death. his corpse. he knows. of course he knows. ]
That down there isn't me. I am.
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the one he gave him. his chest hurts every time he feels it.
he lifts his own hand to cover Erwin's, turning it just a little so he can press a kiss to the scar on his palm. it's never going to feel like enough. ]
I know. I'm sorry. Once we know what we're supposed to do with it I can take care of it.
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it's a good scar. means a lot of things.
he does still brush his fingers along levi's cheek when he kisses erwin's palm, eyes lidding a little as he looks at him. ]
It's alright. We can figure it out together. I don't mind helping deal with it.
[ doesn't he? don't worry about it. it's fine. ]
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now, it breaks his heart, even if the hand healed a long time ago. ]
Only if it doesn't make you uncomfortable.
[ in the mean time, he squeezes Erwin's other hand—the new one—and he glances down at it, brows furrowed in thought. ]
...Do you think you'll get to keep it?
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[ erwin has the same thoughts about the new hand though, looking down at it when levi squeezes it. ]
I... Don't know. I'm going to have to look into it and see. If not, I'll have to see if there's a way to lengthen the timeframe. If that doesn't work either, I'll just have to make sure I make the best of the time I have with it.
[ like so: he squeezes levi's hand back, then tugs him in by it for a little kiss. ]
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I can't imagine having it back only to lose it again. I don't want to let that happen to you.
[ especially if he's not there for it again. ]
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[ mildly, as he holds onto levi like he's never wanted to do anything more in his entire life. it feels like it, honestly.
also: it's half a joke, because everyone knows levi isn't an optimist. ]
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good one. ]
I guess I can do that.
[ it's hard when you're used to your entire life sucking shit. if anything could ever make him into an optimist, though, it's getting Erwin back.
he holds him a little tighter. ]
I never want you to be in that much pain again.
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