[ he stays quiet; he probably wouldn't admit to being traumatized, but it wouldn't be far off. he sees this unmoving Erwin on the floor and all he can think of is seeing that on the rooftop, on the bed he left him in, on the same bed a year later when there was nothing left but bone.
fuck.
eventually he shakes his head, rubbing at his face as if it would make those images disappear. ]
—Sorry. I—
[ they're never going to disappear, though, are they? ]
[ soft. he frees his hand, the left one with the rough and jagged palm, and uses it to cradle levi's face, to look at him properly, to draw him in for a slow kiss. the other hand still holds onto levi's. ]
I'm here.
[ that's all, at first. but that's what it's about, isn't it?
his death. his corpse. he knows. of course he knows. ]
[ Erwin's touch finally snaps him out of it. it's warm and his face fits perfectly in Erwin's hand—and then there's the scar.
the one he gave him. his chest hurts every time he feels it.
he lifts his own hand to cover Erwin's, turning it just a little so he can press a kiss to the scar on his palm. it's never going to feel like enough. ]
I know. I'm sorry. Once we know what we're supposed to do with it I can take care of it.
[ erwin's chest doesn't hurt when he sees the scar, because he sees what it represents: the turning point that brought them to where they are today. The turning point where levi decided to follow him, to become the most important person in erwin's life, his grounding force and tether.
it's a good scar. means a lot of things.
he does still brush his fingers along levi's cheek when he kisses erwin's palm, eyes lidding a little as he looks at him. ]
It's alright. We can figure it out together. I don't mind helping deal with it.
[ it's not that those things are irrelevant or untrue, but it's impossible for him to reconcile no matter what. at the end of the day, he hurt Erwin. it may not have felt wrong at the time, but he's a different person now.
now, it breaks his heart, even if the hand healed a long time ago. ]
Only if it doesn't make you uncomfortable.
[ in the mean time, he squeezes Erwin's other hand—the new one—and he glances down at it, brows furrowed in thought. ]
[ erwin has the same thoughts about the new hand though, looking down at it when levi squeezes it. ]
I... Don't know. I'm going to have to look into it and see. If not, I'll have to see if there's a way to lengthen the timeframe. If that doesn't work either, I'll just have to make sure I make the best of the time I have with it.
[ like so: he squeezes levi's hand back, then tugs him in by it for a little kiss. ]
[ he leans in to rest against Erwin, arms curling around him again. this is, in fact, the best way to spend the time Erwin has with both arms. in his opinion, anyway. ]
I can't imagine having it back only to lose it again. I don't want to let that happen to you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
because of course he does.
he continues to stare at the ceiling a moment, then closes his eyes and sighs. it sounds exhausted. ]
I'm going to have to do research before we get rid of it. We should be sure nothing bad is going to happen if we burn it or something like that.
no subject
[ he stays quiet; he probably wouldn't admit to being traumatized, but it wouldn't be far off. he sees this unmoving Erwin on the floor and all he can think of is seeing that on the rooftop, on the bed he left him in, on the same bed a year later when there was nothing left but bone.
fuck.
eventually he shakes his head, rubbing at his face as if it would make those images disappear. ]
—Sorry. I—
[ they're never going to disappear, though, are they? ]
no subject
[ soft. he frees his hand, the left one with the rough and jagged palm, and uses it to cradle levi's face, to look at him properly, to draw him in for a slow kiss. the other hand still holds onto levi's. ]
I'm here.
[ that's all, at first. but that's what it's about, isn't it?
his death. his corpse. he knows. of course he knows. ]
That down there isn't me. I am.
no subject
the one he gave him. his chest hurts every time he feels it.
he lifts his own hand to cover Erwin's, turning it just a little so he can press a kiss to the scar on his palm. it's never going to feel like enough. ]
I know. I'm sorry. Once we know what we're supposed to do with it I can take care of it.
no subject
it's a good scar. means a lot of things.
he does still brush his fingers along levi's cheek when he kisses erwin's palm, eyes lidding a little as he looks at him. ]
It's alright. We can figure it out together. I don't mind helping deal with it.
[ doesn't he? don't worry about it. it's fine. ]
no subject
now, it breaks his heart, even if the hand healed a long time ago. ]
Only if it doesn't make you uncomfortable.
[ in the mean time, he squeezes Erwin's other hand—the new one—and he glances down at it, brows furrowed in thought. ]
...Do you think you'll get to keep it?
no subject
[ erwin has the same thoughts about the new hand though, looking down at it when levi squeezes it. ]
I... Don't know. I'm going to have to look into it and see. If not, I'll have to see if there's a way to lengthen the timeframe. If that doesn't work either, I'll just have to make sure I make the best of the time I have with it.
[ like so: he squeezes levi's hand back, then tugs him in by it for a little kiss. ]
no subject
I can't imagine having it back only to lose it again. I don't want to let that happen to you.
[ especially if he's not there for it again. ]
no subject
[ mildly, as he holds onto levi like he's never wanted to do anything more in his entire life. it feels like it, honestly.
also: it's half a joke, because everyone knows levi isn't an optimist. ]
no subject
good one. ]
I guess I can do that.
[ it's hard when you're used to your entire life sucking shit. if anything could ever make him into an optimist, though, it's getting Erwin back.
he holds him a little tighter. ]
I never want you to be in that much pain again.
no subject
[ firmly. he believes it wholeheartedly.
but they do have the boon of erwin being back from the dead, so maybe it does make sense to be optimistic. ]
Even if I do lose it again, it's probably going to be the same as getting it back while I sleep.
[ quietly, like he's trying to reassure him. ]
But we're not going to think about that right now because we're going to do things that require two arms.
no subject
he's just going to keep that thought in his head. ]
Well, to be fair, I've already been doing things with two arms. You want me to tie one behind my back for awhile to even it out?
[ it's a joke, of course, but he can't pretend he wouldn't happily do it if Erwin actually said yes. what a sucker. ]
no subject
he raises an eyebrow at the joke, giving a little snort afterward. genuine amusement, fond as anything. ]
My ego's delicate, you'd immediately be better than me at doing things one handed.
[ teasing. ]