[ when you share an apartment building, you know . . . you're bound to run into each other. ezekiel has just arrived from a day of work, the work being from the city zoo. in khaki uniform and everything, he opens his mailbox and flips right through the bills, a supermarket booklet for discounts and junk mail, brows crunched as he did. nothing of importance except for one thing: a paperback issue of the latest volume of the international journal of primatology. ]
You saved the day . . .
[ he says. to the book. and is probably still blocking the way to the other mailboxes with his bloated winter coat. ]
[ it sure is a lot harder to avoid someone when they live in the same building. impossible, even. when he sees Zeke loitering in front of the mailboxes his first instinct is to just turn back and come get his mail later, but why should he have to do that? motherfucker needs to get out of the way.
he huffs, indignant as usual. ]
Can't you at least wait until you're back in your apartment to go through all your chimp porn?
[ chimp porn— zeke waits to turn around so that he could kind of. swallow that, dryly. you can burn him, but don't burn his apes. this was science!!! ]
You should go to the zoo sometime, Levi. [ keeping his bills, junk mail and his science porn closed and under his arm, he clears his throat. ] They're bound to launch shit at you for that.
[ because i’d tell them to, but since that’s his little secret— zeke sighs. ]
Oh, don’t worry about me. It’s actually science porn. [ he holds the journal up and gives it a wave. ] As for them, well. . . I’d be offended if I were a chimp.
[ lol……… he would. which is why he’s almost smiling. almost! ]
And waste my time on The Google? [ that’s actually a joke. you can tell that he’s trying to be fly— the internet is all he uses for his work, but . . . ] I’m a little old fashioned with my reads. The weight of paper in my hands speaks louder than a tablet. And speaking of chimps, [ let him show you, page 247: he’s the main author of one of the articles! behavioral responses to bedding of 25 western hoolock gibbons (Hoolock hoolock) in captivity— ] I still prefer Gibbons.
[ he feels like he’s winning this round. he’s being smug. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
throws a rock in here
You saved the day . . .
[ he says. to the book. and is probably still blocking the way to the other mailboxes with his bloated winter coat. ]
get out
he huffs, indignant as usual. ]
Can't you at least wait until you're back in your apartment to go through all your chimp porn?
i can't now that you sent that
You should go to the zoo sometime, Levi. [ keeping his bills, junk mail and his science porn closed and under his arm, he clears his throat. ] They're bound to launch shit at you for that.
🔪
Why would they? I'm talking shit about you, not them.
no subject
Oh, don’t worry about me. It’s actually science porn. [ he holds the journal up and gives it a wave. ] As for them, well. . . I’d be offended if I were a chimp.
no subject
[ not exactly a sick burn when this weirdo would probably love to be a chimp, but it comes out anyway. he rolls his eyes at the thought. ]
Who even gets shit like that in the mail anymore? Do you not know how to use the internet?
no subject
And waste my time on The Google? [ that’s actually a joke. you can tell that he’s trying to be fly— the internet is all he uses for his work, but . . . ] I’m a little old fashioned with my reads. The weight of paper in my hands speaks louder than a tablet. And speaking of chimps, [ let him show you, page 247: he’s the main author of one of the articles! behavioral responses to bedding of 25 western hoolock gibbons (Hoolock hoolock) in captivity— ] I still prefer Gibbons.
[ he feels like he’s winning this round. he’s being smug. ]
no subject
Didn't ask.
[ and then he finally just pushes his way back to his mailbox.
it's empty. ]
no subject
All of that— for nothing? Not even junk mail?
[ that’s. that’s so sad. ]
no subject
he pushes his mailbox closed, perhaps a little harder than necessary. ]
Why the fuck would I want junk mail? Getting nothing is better than getting garbage.
[ or chimp porn. ]
no subject
[ says one who never uses cupons. he feels like he’s getting under his skin, though! and that’s a plus. take that, for saying “chimp porn”! ]
We’re you expecting something?
no subject
[ you know what? he's gonna move. he's literally going to go home and immediately get online and look at other apartment buildings. jesus christ. ]
I get coupons in my email. It's called "giving a shit about the environment." You should try it sometime. Don't monkeys live in trees?
no subject
crap he’s been had ]
—I recycle.
[ that was the worst comeback— maybe it’s time to go, too. he’s swiftly lost this one. ]
Damnit.