dirtdevil | noctium inbox

[ other than get erwin a new arm, they haven't done too much of note lately. staying home together is nice, and it soothes some of the despondency left from their trips home, but things still aren't perfect emotionally. there's an ache he doesn't like, a worry that they'll be separated again and nothing will be able to be done for it.

he trusts in levi's strength, but the way he acts now just means erwin wants to have to leave his side even less; there's a difference between living and thriving, and he can foresee levi firmly set to a flat 'living' status should that happen for them.

he thinks it might be better to distract themselves from it, which is why erwin suggested they explore the new city opened to them recently.

the teleporters are fine, but erwin wants to try the slower method to relax on their way. spend time together quietly. watch the scenery.

which is how they ended up by all the carriages, and an attendant is opening the door of one that's going to have just the two of them in it. erwin gestures toward the opening, looking at levi by his side. ]

After you.

[ 'living' at its most basic level is an accurate description of the way he got by in the year following Erwin's death. he was alive in that he wasn't physically dead, and there was very little left beyond that. it was a pain so deep that even having Erwin back wasn't enough to make it go away completely; he's unbelievably lucky, he knows, but it still feels a little like one of these days he's just gonna break.

but it won't be today, so it's fine. everything's fine.

today is a rare traveling day, and frankly it's about time—even Levi, still stuck in a cycle of existential sulking, can acknowledge they need to get out more. there are so many things they haven't seen yet, and an undefined amount of time left to do so. "shit or get off the pot," as they say. someone said that, right? he's pretty sure he heard that somewhere.

anyway, he'd been kind of dreading the ride there, having assumed they'd have to share space with some randos, so it's quite the pleasant surprise when the door to their carriage opens and there's no one else in there.

of course Erwin already thought of that. who was he kidding?

he offers Erwin a small, knowing smile, and before stepping into the carriage himself he takes his hand, pulling Erwin in behind him. remember when he used to care about doing shit like this in public? you know, before The Thing happened? those sure were the days. ]

[ erwin's time without levi was so brief, but he had no idea what had happened to him and it had been excruciating. but since levi didn't die back home, the only anguish once he came back was that levi had to be without him for so long. he still fears that one of them will be sent back home—erwin to a grave or levi to an existence without him.

it stings, at best. erwin wants to try and move past it, but he can't quantify exactly how to soothe himself, much less pull levi out of the chasm of loss. it's not that he's given up, but that he needs to work harder to manage both of them.

he did think carefully about getting the carriage for just them, because while they do need to get out around other people more, that'll be when they explore the new town. the process of getting there can be just them. it's in no small part selfish because he still yearns to spend every moment with levi that he can.

that small smile gets one in return as he allows levi to pull him into the carriage. he settles in to sit while still holding onto his hand—in fact he lifts it to his mouth to press a kiss to the back of it. how romantic. this man is a monster.

but he's still smiling as he looks up at him, tugging him a little closer and nodding toward the seat next to him. ]

[ oh no. ohhhh no. who the fuck does this guy think he is, kissing his hand like fucking Prince Charming? god damn it.

his face scrunches up into a scowl, but Erwin will know better. even someone far less intelligent would know better, honestly. he gets flustered and tries to pass it off as annoyance or exasperation.

he's not very good at it. ]

Stop it.

[ also not very convincing, considering he doesn't even pull his hand away as he sits. and also maybe because he has a fucking wedding ring on. come on, man. ]

[ this guy thinks he's so fucking smooth. he thinks he can just do things at his husband without consequence.

he's right, though.

he squeezes levi's hand as they sit, lips curved into the most self-satisfied expression as possible. he is In Love and he is Going To Show It. ]

You don't mean that.

[ mildly. he knocks their shoulders together lightly before turning his head to press a kiss to his jaw this time. ]

It's nice to get out.

Yes I do.

[ (no he doesn't.)

he'll drop his fake argument though, opting instead to lean his head on Erwin's shoulder. you win again, asshole. ]

It is a little ridiculous it's taken us this long.

[ he settles into the shared position, hand dropping to rest on levi's knee as he considers what to say next.

he hums briefly, then nods, giving that knee a squeeze. ]

We had a lot going on.

[ it's probably just as well Erwin can't see his face like this. the changes in his expression are usually subtle, but there's nothing Erwin doesn't catch.

he's going to use it to his advantage, if he even can. who knows. motherfucker is too smart. ]

Or maybe we're just old.

[ erwin does catch small changes in expression, but he also notices small changes in mood. he huffs a sound though—he's not making light of what they've been going through, just... it's almost like compartmentalizing it.

just to keep going. ]

We deserve it.

[ ...well. he's not really sure if he deserves it, but he's sure as hell not going to say as much. Erwin deserves it, and that's what matters.

Erwin deserves much more than this, actually, but it's a start. ]

Yeah.

[ he moves his other hand to cover Erwin's as well. ]

But you're not allowed to use your brain.

I'm not allowed to use my brain?

[ he sounds a little bemused by the statement, like for once he's drawing a blank instead of instantly coming up with the right answer, and he turns his hand to settle in both levi's hands comfortably. ]

Why's that?

Because you think too much.

[ he finds Erwin's wedding ring and twists it around idly on his finger. ]

I know it's not that simple, but I want you to enjoy this.

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