dirtdevil | (no subject)

Character: Levi
Series: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan)
Character Age: Unknown (20-something?)
Job: Janitor

Canon: In Attack on Titan, humans are no longer on top of the food chain. Many years ago, the titans appeared: giants whose only hobby seems to be snacking on humans. Horrific, but manageable—as large as they were, none possessed the capability to breach humanity's towering walls... until the impossibly huge "Colossal" titan appeared, that is. The outermost wall was soon breached, and humanity was forced to remember the terror of the titans. Only the bravest among them sought to join the Scouting Legion, the branch of the military that engages the titans beyond the wall in the hopes of someday learning their secrets. It's an extremely dangerous job and few survive the expeditions beyond the walls.

One of the most senior members of the Scouting Legion is Levi. Widely regarded as the greatest soldier humanity has to offer, he is said to be worth a hundred other men. However, the man behind the legend is not what one might expect. He's surprisingly small for someone so powerful, and while he's not very physically imposing, he's extremely blunt and often rude. Rumor has it that he was once an underground criminal—this would certainly explain his frequent use of vulgarity, but despite his alleged past as a rogue, he places a high value on human life and the command structure and seems to have complete trust in his commander. He's fully aware of his capability as a soldier, but having lost countless comrades to titans, he takes their threat very seriously and is far from reckless. One of his most noticeable traits is his OCD-like behavior towards cleanliness. Slicing up titans is a dirty job, and he's known to occasionally stop to wipe the gore from his blades in battle. On the surface, he's almost perpetually calm and aloof, despite some of the terrible things that come out of his mouth; beyond that, much of him remains a mystery.

Sample Entry:

Tell us about yourself in a few words.
What a dumb, vague question. How about you tell me some things first? You've got a nice, conveniently-impenetrable barrier set up here. I would very much like to know where you have the mad scientist who concocted that thing hidden. You see, where I come from, something like that could be put to a better use than keeping a bunch of dipshit kids from wandering into the forest and getting eaten by bears. Also, you seem to have quite a few residents who are in dire need of medical attention. Clearly this is not a major concern of yours. Perhaps I could convince you pigs to pay closer attention somehow?

Why are you joining our happy community?
Oh, I came here on vacation. You know, the kind of vacation where it's mandatory, and you don't get to choose where you go, and you're greeted by a couple of colorful apes who immediately try to tear your clothes off, and then when you decide you've had enough and you have far more important things to do, it's too bad because it's pretty clear no one's leaving. In other words, it's because you have a magic wall and I'm not a fucking wizard.

What is your job here at CFUD? What do you think that means?
Janitor. Any idiot could tell you what that means, but I'll elaborate. First, it means whoever's in charge has a sense of humor. Second, it means the person I'm replacing did a shitty job. Cleaning up after a bunch of dirty campers is not a job for some slacker. Who knows what these brats have been rolling in? That's a rhetorical question, for the record. Don't even tell me.

Do you think you are good in a crisis? Why?
I'm here, aren't I? Those who aren't good in a crisis don't last long. Though I'm not sure what constitutes a "crisis" here. Mess hall ran out of mashed potatoes? Not a crisis. Bad case of poison ivy? Also not a crisis. Someone accidentally shoots himself in the face? Now we have the beginnings of a crisis. But even then, it's your own goddamn fault for handing out guns to kids, isn't it? Deal with it.

Do you have a five year plan in mind?
Live. No way to know if that'll work out. Always assumed I'd go out fighting, but here it seems more likely that I'd die of dysentery or something. Ever wonder what it'd be like to shit yourself to death? I think I'd rather be eaten.

Do you consider yourself squeamish? Please provide an example.
Yes. An example? Consider this gentleman to my right. Not only is he...oozing something that I imagine could kill a man, this smell is downright unacceptable. The things that I have smelled... I guess what I'm saying is that it takes hard work and dedication to achieve a stench of this magnitude. Anyone who's exposed to this poor bastard and then claims to be undisturbed by his sheer existence is a fucking liar.

[ 100% BITCH. name/rank mistranslations edited lol ]