[ comparatively, erwin's had so much less close personal loss than levi. he lost his father but in a different way, lost his soldiers but held himself apart from the kind of close friendships and ties levi had with his crew for so long that the most crushing part of his losses was the guilt of tossing fodder to his own dream rather than loss of companionship.
and he definitely never, ever had a loss as devastating as levi losing him. it's something he can't and doesn't personally understand the weight of, but he understands the weight of the worry of it happening just fine.
still.
to be like this, here, alive and with hope for the future, that's something. and maybe the underlying ache of knowing what erwin left behind is part of his intensity now, but all the better for it. when erwin kisses back he lets himself be guided, leans down and over and braces himself just so in order to keep balanced and settled against the younger man while he revels in just being able to do this, to be together and have that needy intensity feel like it's going right to his head.
there's something intoxicating about it that he's unfamiliar with, but that's not a bad thing. figuring things out together is a positive, not a negative, and even when the kiss breaks so that they can breathe, he presses his lips under levi's ear, then along his jaw, then his chin, trailing along and making it clear that pauses in what they're doing, or at least in the level of what they're doing, don't have to feel like hesitation.
they can feel like what they are: natural progression. ]
I love you.
[ said just to say it because he'll repeat himself until the end of time. the hand of the arm he's not using to support himself now glides along the line of levi's hip and rests with a warm, firm, and solid (very real and alive) grasp as he spreads his fingers. ]
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and he definitely never, ever had a loss as devastating as levi losing him. it's something he can't and doesn't personally understand the weight of, but he understands the weight of the worry of it happening just fine.
still.
to be like this, here, alive and with hope for the future, that's something. and maybe the underlying ache of knowing what erwin left behind is part of his intensity now, but all the better for it. when erwin kisses back he lets himself be guided, leans down and over and braces himself just so in order to keep balanced and settled against the younger man while he revels in just being able to do this, to be together and have that needy intensity feel like it's going right to his head.
there's something intoxicating about it that he's unfamiliar with, but that's not a bad thing. figuring things out together is a positive, not a negative, and even when the kiss breaks so that they can breathe, he presses his lips under levi's ear, then along his jaw, then his chin, trailing along and making it clear that pauses in what they're doing, or at least in the level of what they're doing, don't have to feel like hesitation.
they can feel like what they are: natural progression. ]
I love you.
[ said just to say it because he'll repeat himself until the end of time. the hand of the arm he's not using to support himself now glides along the line of levi's hip and rests with a warm, firm, and solid (very real and alive) grasp as he spreads his fingers. ]